EXCLUSIVE: After surviving nearly a year and a half deep underground, with barely enough air to breathe and no light, and sharing an 18-square-foot space with three other men, recently released hostage Tal Shoham shared with Fox News Digital his harrowing story of captivity at the hands of Hamas.

Shoham was forcibly taken from Kibbutz Be’eri on October 7, 2023. His wife and children, ages four and eight, were also kidnapped that day, but he didn’t know that when he was thrown into the trunk of a car and driven into Gaza by Hamas terrorists. He didn’t even know whether his family was alive; hoping to save them, he surrendered to the terrorists just before they set fire to the house where his family was hiding. 

He would spend the eight-and-a-half months in an underground tunnel and another five months captive in five different houses deep inside Gaza, where his captors kept him shackled, starved him and deprived him of basic human comforts.

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But he gave himself a mission: He was determined not to lose his humanity. Even in moments when he feared that he was facing death, he tried to stay focused. «I am not a victim. Even if this ends, I will end it with my head high, looking death in the eyes. They won’t break me, and I will not surrender to self-pity. We are stronger than the other side,» he said.

It has been three weeks since he came home, and he is ready to speak. Kibbutz Be’eri is just nine kilometers — about five-and-a-half miles — from Gaza, but that short distance is practically an ocean between what he describes as two worlds. «Half-an-hour’s drive, two separate worlds,» he said. «The first — unbelievably surreal, cruel beyond reason. And just 30 minutes away [on this side of the border], a world of sanity, logic, dignity and compassion.»

He remembers every detail of his 505 days in captivity. Tal wants to tell his story for the sake of the two fellow captives who remain behind, starving, abused and at constant risk of death. «Just as someone emerges from a womb alive, I emerged from the tunnel I was held in and was born again,» he says. But the men he calls his «brothers,» Evyatar David and Guy Gilboa-Dalal, are still held underground. «I can’t sleep at night knowing they are still there,» he says.

October 7, 2023

Israeli hostages Tal Shoham and Averu Mengistu are flanked by Palestinian Hamas terrorists as they stand on a stage during their release in Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip on Feb. 22.  (Omar Al-Qattaa/AFP via Getty Images)

Tal and his wife and children had come from the north of Israel to Kibbutz Be’eri to spend the Simchat Torah holiday with his wife’s parents and were in the home when the terror attack began. He said everyone entered the safe room, and as the sounds of gunfire drew closer, they tried to barricade themselves inside. But the terrorists pried open the window, and Tal feared they might toss in a grenade if the family did not surrender. On the same street, the terrorists set fire to every other home, burning the people inside alive.

«I went out and raised my hands,» he said. «A man with murder in his eyes led me onto the road and to a vehicle. I saw about 40 heavily armed terrorists. Some of them were filming me on their phones. I was in shock — there was an entire battalion of Hamas terrorists inside our kibbutz, bodies of people I knew who were murdered on the ground, and they are laughing, unafraid.»

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Former Israeli hostage Tal Shoham standing in the destroyed house of his in-laws on Kibbutz Be’eri. (Georges Schneider)

The terrorists threw him into the trunk of a car and drove him across the border, into Gaza. There, a crowd gathered. «Teenagers with sticks ran toward me, trying to beat me from all sides,» he says. Taking him from the car, his captors pointed a rifle at him, ready, he believed, to execute him, and tried to force him to kneel. «I said, ‘I can’t control whether you kill me or not,’ and I raised my hands — but I refused to kneel. ‘If you want to kill me, kill me, but you will not execute me like ISIS.’»

He was then paraded through the streets in what he described as a «victory march.» «They were shouting, ‘Soldier! Pig! Zionist!’ A mob gathered around, boys with wooden clubs trying to hit me. But I just waved and smiled. I didn’t show fear. ‘You’ve captured me, but you won’t see terror in my eyes.’»

34 Days of Isolation

He was first taken to the home of a family, where he was held, alone and always shackled, for 34 days. Though he was allowed to periodically shower, the captivity was otherwise severe.

His food was strictly rationed. «For the first three days, I had pita bread. Then, they stopped giving me that,» he says. «Food supplies dwindled. Some days, I would receive three spoons of avocado and three dates, or half an orange from a tree in the yard.»

But the worst torment was not knowing whether his family was alive. «I am 40 years old. Never in my life have I experienced suffering like this. The isolation, being alone with relentless thoughts —that was worse than even extreme hunger.»

To endure, he made a heartbreaking decision. «I had to accept that my family was dead,» Tal says. «I sat on the floor and imagined myself at their funeral. I stood in front of a grave — one large for my wife, and two small for my children — and I eulogized each of them. I thanked them for the time we had. I told them to move on. I sobbed but didn’t let my captors see me cry. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done — burying my family in my mind.»

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Tal Shoham stands in the burned-out house of his in-laws in Kibbutz Be’eri.  (Georges Schneider)

505 Days In Hell

On the 34th day of his captivity, Evyatar David and Guy Gilboa-Dalal were brought to the home. The Hamas terrorists tortured them daily, hitting them, denying them food while eating in front of them. The hostages were allowed only about 300 calories a day — Shoham’s weight dropped from 174 pounds to 110 pounds when he was released — and speaking was forbidden. «We couldn’t move from our beds or talk. We whispered everything,» he said.

Then came some glimmer of hope. On the 50th day of his captivity, Tal received proof of life from his wife — a letter telling him she and the children had been held hostage but were being released. «I read it, my hands shaking,» he said. «The most important thing had happened — my family was safe. I didn’t need to be a father and husband protecting them anymore. Now, I could focus on my war, the one I knew how to fight, the one for survival.»

Evyatar David is still being held hostage in Gaza by Hamas terrorists.  (Courtesy: Bring Them Home Now)

The Tunnel

By June 2024, Tal, Guy and Evyatar were moved by an ambulance that Hamas used for discreetly transporting hostages, to an underground tunnel, where there already was another captive, Omer Wenkert. There were four mattresses on the floor and a hole in the ground for a toilet. The space was illuminated by a single, dim lightbulb. «It took me weeks to stop feeling like the walls were closing in, to adapt to the oxygen deprivation,» Tal says.

They were given just 300 milliliters of water a day — a little more than 10 ounces. They could use it to either drink or wash their hands. Rice was all they had to eat. Months passed. They were beaten, monitored by cameras, randomly deprived of food and sleep. The guards were Hamas tunnel diggers — digging every day, even as war raged above. «Hamas never stopped digging tunnels,» Tal Says. «Not for a single day.»

The conditions were so bad that both he and Evyatar developed severe infections. But it would be months before a doctor would come to see them. «My leg turned blue, yellow, and purple with internal bleeding,» He recalls. «They gave us all blood thinners, fearing we might develop clots from prolonged immobility. Eventually, they realized the issue was malnutrition and provided us with vitamin supplements for seven days. It tasted like dog food, but it dramatically improved our condition.»

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Guy Gilboa-Dalal is still being held in Gaza by Hamas terrorists.   (Courtesy: Bring Them Home Now)

But the abuse continued. A new guard arrived, even more violent than the previous ones. «He made some of us kneel like dogs and beat us,» he says. «He would come in screaming that we were filthy Jews, hit us, and then 10 minutes later, he would smile and bring food.»

Then, what seemed like a miracle. Tal and Omer were named as part of the hostage-release deal in February. When he was led outside after many months underground, still blindfolded, he felt moisture on his face. «Is it rain?» he asked. «No,» his captors responded, «’It is dew.’ And I realized, my name, Tal, is ‘dew’ in Hebrew. I felt the morning dew on my skin.»

There were humiliations to come before he was handed over to the Red Cross and returned to Israel: a procession on a stage in the heart of Rafah where he was forced to repeat Hamas propaganda.  But he said he didn’t care — he was going home. When he arrived in Israel, he was taken to the Re’im base, where his wife, Adi, and their two children, Nave and Yahel, were waiting for him. «It was a dream come true, yet it still felt like a dream,» Tal says. «It took a few days to fully grasp that it was real. It was hard to take in. The emotions flooded me, like I was floating above everything.»

And there was tragic news to absorb. Eleven members of Tal’s family were kidnapped or murdered on October 7. Adi’s father, Avshalom Haran, and two uncles, Lilach and Evyatar Kipnis, were killed. His mother-in-law, Shoshan Haran, was taken, along with two other relatives — Sharon Avigdori and her daughter, Noam Avigdori — who were later released in the first hostage deal. Two other relatives who had come from the United States to celebrate a birthday, 59-year-old Judith Raanan, and her 17-year-old daughter, Natalie, were also kidnapped from Kibbutz Nahal Oz.

Tal Shoham reunites with family, some of whom were also taken captive on Oct. 7. (IDF)

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And there was joy. During his captivity, four new babies were born into the family. «Among us, the Jewish hostages, there was purity,» he said. «There was dignity. The terrorists brought in whatever horrors they wanted, inflicted whatever cruelty and pain they could, imposed their inhumanity on us. But within our space, we preserved our inner cleanliness, our humanity between one another. And that was crucial to making it out unbroken.»       

For families in Mexico searching for missing loved ones, the grim discovery of what is being called an «extermination» site with human remains and ovens, could be their worst fears some true. 

Mexican authorities are now investigating the site in the western state of Jalisco, first found last week by a group of volunteers that was believed, by the volunteers, to have been used by one of the area’s cartels known as the New Generation Jalisco Cartel. 

Inside its iron gates were an increasing number of horrors, including cremation ovens, bone fragments, hundreds of pairs of shoes, clothing and even children’s toys. 

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«They’d see the shoes and say: ‘those look like the ones my missing relative was wearing when they disappeared,’» Luz Toscano, one of the volunteers, told BBC News. 

The ranch, near the village of Teuchitlán, was raided last September by Mexican authorities who failed to find or reveal the discovery of human remains. 

At the time of the raid, 10 arrests were made, two hostages were released, and a body was found wrapped in plastic. 

After authorities began searching this week, they said they also found almost 100 shell casings. 

A National Guard officer stands guard while members of the collective «Guerreros Buscadores» visit the Izaguirre ranch, where on March 5 they located three human crematory ovens while searching for their missing relatives in the community of La Estanzuela in Teuchitlán, Jalisco state, Mexico.  (Ulises Ruiz/AFP via Getty Images)

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None of the remains have been identified, and the number is not yet known, but the number of personal items left behind is around 700. 

«The number of the victims that presumably could have been buried there is enormous,» Eduardo Guerrero, a security analyst in Mexico City, told The New York Times. «And it resurfaced the nightmarish reminder that Mexico is plagued with mass graves.»

Members of the collective ‘Guerreros Buscadores’ work on three human crematoriums found while searching for their relatives at Izaguirre Ranch in the community La Estanzuela in Teuchitlan, Jalisco state, Mexico, March 5.  (Ulises Ruiz/AFP via Getty Images)

The discovery, based on an anonymous tip, has dominated the headlines, shocking a country that has become inured by mass graves and promoted citizens to call on authorities to crack down on cartel violence. 

There are 120,000 «forcibly disappeared» people in Mexico. 

Jalisco state Gov. Pablo Lemus told critics in a video message this week that his office is fully cooperating with federal investigators and no one is «washing their hands» of the case, according to BBC News. 

A notebook that reads in spanish ‘My love, if one day I don’t come back, I only ask you to remember how much I love you’ is seen at the Izaguirre Ranch in the community of La Estanzuela.  (Ulises Ruiz/AFP via Getty Images)

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The ranch in Teuchitlan, about 37 miles (60 kilometers) west of Guadalajara was allegedly being used as a training base for cartel recruits when National Guard troops found it last September.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.